Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Imaginary Competion

It started at the cutting counter. She was in line behind me and the lady behind her commented on the beautiful choice of fabrics in her cart. “Look how they all coordinate so well, oh I really love this one…” I turned slightly so I could see out of the corner of my eye what she was talking about. The lady with the beautiful fabrics was clearly grandparent age like me but wearing an awful lot of makeup.  “I’m making a quilt for my newest grand daughter” she said and looked at me with a little nod and then raised one eyebrow after looking at the  bolts of fabric in my cart. 

I took note that she was in really good shape for her age in a stylish body hugging outfit; she probably spent a lot of time at the gym. I stood as tall as I could and sucked in my gut. I smoothed down my baggie wrinkled shirt front. I wished the line would move, I was in a hurry as usual. I wanted to get home and get to work. 'Gee, wish I had time to quilt for my grand kids' I was thinking.  'By the time I do everything I have to do in a day, there’s no time left for anything that slow. Work out at the gym? Who needs a work out after a day like mine? Bet I could run circles around her all day!' I felt a bit of an attitude had starting to form.


There were two ladies cutting fabrics today and when it was my turn I was asked what I was making with my fabrics.  Noticing that ‘too much makeup lady’ had now stepped to my right at the counter and was unloading her fabrics to be cut I replied, “I’m making play mats for my grand kids. I have nine of them, grand kids that is. There’s actually fabric here for three different projects, that’s why they don’t all coordinate so well.” Perhaps I was a little louder than necessary. I looked at ‘too much makeup lady’ who had the time to quilt and picked beautifully coordinate fabrics to do so with and smiled, with the bottom half of my face only. She glanced slightly in my direction and did the one eyebrow raise thing again, then gave me the tiniest of smiles. Really I think it was a smirk.
Our cutters were running neck and neck cutting our fabrics and finished at about the same time. My cut fabrics in hand I quickly I wheeled my cart in the direction of the check out at the far end of the gigantic super store. I could hear foots steps right behind me; ‘too much makeup lady’ was hot on my heels. Ha, I thought, I can beat her to the check out. I picked up the pace a little just to make sure I was there first. Oh my gosh! She was walking faster too keeping step with me and started to pass me to my right! Just as I was about to break into a jog she veered off course, taking a shortcut I surmised and I thought that she might beat me to check out after all. Just as I was about to break a sweat I saw her cart coming down the aisle that would intersect with mine.
In the nick of time I shoved pushed right ahead of her. Ha-ha, I thought, you can’t beat me; you are too slow, just like your quilting* projects. There was a long line at checkout and I kept my eyes directly in front of me the whole time. When it was my turn, I glanced around to see where she had gone and noticed that she was also checking out. We nearly collided getting out the door with shopping bags in hand and she looked right at me with eyes narrowed lips thinned to a slit. We started walking towards our cars keeping a close eye on each other’s progress.  She was gaining speed on me and I could not seem to gain any ground! In my car I quickly buckled myself in, put the car in reverse, and without the usual care of double and triple checking behind me I left my parking spot with a little screech heading for the open street.
I didn’t see her anywhere and I was just beginning to feel pretty silly about this whole thing believing I had imagined it all when I saw her speeding down the lane just ahead of me to my left, both hands gripping the top of her steering wheel and leaning forward in her seat. She was looking right at me! I’ve got to block her in and get to the street first was all that I could think of as I accelerated!  She had to brake hard to keep from T boning me on the side of my car. I whizzed by her at double the speed I should have used in a parking lot, but I did it! I made it to the street first and won! Hahaha! I waved out my window as I entered the street; I glanced in my rear view mirror and saw her still sitting there pounding on her steering wheel.

Out in traffic I slowed down to the speed limit and took the chocolate bar from my shopping bag and began to slowly nibble at it, enjoy it's silky smoothness with each bite. With a deep sigh I started humming a little song and began to tap my none gas foot...."if your happy and you know it clap your hands" tap tap.......... life as I know it can be rewarding in so many ways.

* I love quilts, quilting projects and quilters! I truly would love more time to quilt again. Just too busy right now. As you can see this has been posted under Short and Shorter Stories so that means it has a speck of truth and a whole lot of creative license included. I'll let you decided which speck is truth. ;)


If you are reading this post anywhere else but at Famly Home and Life it was used without permission! Copyright© Family Home and Life 2012 All Rights Reserved

18 comments:

  1. Hahahahahahaha!! I love this post!!! I'm pretty sure I've done something similar :)
    My favorite part is "you're too slow, just like your quilting projects."

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    1. Hey us gramma's have to get our kicks were we can!

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  2. I thought you were talking about an old lady in our town, who's 97 years old, sies her hair red, has raised 31 foster children through the years. She makes strawberry jam, cans tomatoes, grows her own veggies. She has all kinds of people coming and going all the time at her house. Some are disabled, some are of different cultures and ethnicities. She's never lonely, although widowed and has lost 2 or 3 children.
    Every year she invites me to have a yard sale at her home, because I don't have a place and hers is a good traffic area. She comes out asking me if I happen to have any jelly jars, and gives me samples of her homemade jam! She likes the activity and wants me to get some stuff out of her basement for her so she can sell it.
    You are funny! I'm sure you do quite a lot! Nine grandkids! That's a lot of lovin' right there, and making playmats for all is no small feat! Wow!
    I know you were joking, but on the serious side, there's no sense trying to compete with the other super-grandmas who do perfect projects and spend a fortune for expensive outfits and toys. Just be yourself and do what you can do. Give of yourself and don't compare. I made Kettle Corn and Pasta Salad for my Grandbaby's party because that's all I could afford.
    I like how you take time for a chocolate treat! Good grandmas know how to treat themselves well too! Love, linda

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    1. Hey wait, that first part kind of sounds like me.....But really, my grandkids other grandparents are wealthy, and I can't compare or compete in that dept. But, I can love the heck out of those kids and my gifts they keep till they are wore out, and some they'll have forever. I'd say you kinda hit the nail on the head! Do I know you? You sure seem to know me! LOL! Thanks for the comment!

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  3. I recognize that competitive spirit. Very funny!

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    1. Thanks, of course most of my competiveness is only in my mind :)

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    1. I thought so; my husband thought it was weird. Said I shouldn't post it less anyone get the wrong idea about me.

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  5. Ha! I can see the smile on your face right now! This is great! You are onery!!

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    1. I would NEVER act like that in person; I PROMISE :o)

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  6. Great story! I'm betting the "too much make-up part" was real!

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  7. omg you are HILARIOUS! Once again you had me thinking I wish I lived next door to you. We'd be fabric shopping buddies too, and this time I would have used my cart to block that make-up-queen into the button department while you sped ahead! Then you would rear end her cart on the way out the door so I could zip past her, hop into my car and pick you up at the door while she hobbled away wondering what hit her! Yeah, that's exactly what we'd do as a team if I lived next door to you! LOL! Loved it!

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    1. LOL! YOU are hilarious! We would make a team wouldn't we ? ;)

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  8. This is HILARIOUS, Connie. I had no idea you, in addition to all your other accomplishments, were such an awesome humor writer. So, so funny. Loved it!

    (And love that I'm not the only competitive grandma around. Too funny.)

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    1. Lisa, I'm not sure I am a writer yet. These silly things just come to me on occasion and I'm vain enough to write them down. I spend a lot of time alone or with kids. I think without adult conversation my imagination gets carried away at times; this was one of those times for sure. I took me about 6 months to get the courage to post it. I am so glad YOU like it because you are a are a wonderful writer. Thank you!

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